To Be
by kellegirl
Summary: Axel knows Roxas is his, but does Roxas? Or even more importantly, does Roxas' boyfriend know? My eventual replacement to Therapy. Please tell me what you think of it as a replacement. Roxas x Reno, eventual Axel x Roxas ABANDONED
1. Discovered

_Me: My head hurts._

_Mims: Why?_

_Me: I mixed __Sudafed__, adderall, and Dayquil together. It gives you a nice buzz and makes me really hyper, but damn the comedown is a bitch._

_Cautai: That's what you get for taking drugs._

_Me: Hey! You're not the one with the damn cold!_

_Cautai: Don't really care, write my story!_

_Me: … I hate you two so much right now.__ So this is technically another story that I'm writing, I'm up to –checks computer- oh god, I've got five chapter stories now. Yeah well, this one isn't really going to be worked on for a while after this chapter. I'll fully explain myself in the end note, so if you like this and want to read more make sure to read that.__ Oh! I made an AMV in my drugged out state. It took me 6 hours, but I think it's really good, so go to the youtube link on my profile and check it out. This one actually loaded right and I'm very proud of it. I did a shit load of editing and scene cutting, so I want to know what people think of it._

_Disclaimer:__ I don't own this…period, end of story. Well, not the end of this story, but the end of the conversation …shutting up now._

_Warning:__ It's another M from yours truly, like I really do anything else. Suggestive language, perverted Axel, Reno's mouth, maybe more in the next chapter, haven't decided yet._

_Pairing:__If you are one of my Akuroku fans then you're going to kill me for this chapter, it's Roxas x Reno,__ but later on it goes to Akuroku, eventually…maybe…I blame Cautai!_

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God has to hate me, he just has to. If he didn't then I wouldn't be tortured like this, I wouldn't be hearing this right now. My angel wouldn't be in the other room with that man and I wouldn't be listening to him say those things. It just wouldn't be happening. No, it would be me in that room, me saying those things, and me getting those responses. You're probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about right now; you're probably going 'Axel, who's in the other room with what man? What are they saying? And more over Axel, why do you care?' To that I have to say, how the hell do you know my name?! No, I don't have to say that, after all you are reading something I'm writing. I think I need to explain myself a bit, but to do that I have to start at the beginning, if I don't you won't understand at all.

About six months ago I found myself without a roommate, not a good situation for a broke college student. What it came down to was that I couldn't afford my apartment on my own and my old roomy wouldn't move back in, something about me being a sex crazed lunatic. I only had wild sex with the neighbor in the kitchen once, ONCE! But Demyx just had to walk in on us and all I heard for two days straight was bitch, bitch, bitch. I don't really remember what he was bitching about; I kind of tuned him out. Besides, it's not like I never caught him and Zexion going at it. Sure, I probably shouldn't have asked to join, but that was a joke. Getting off topic, where was I again? Oh right, no roommate, broke, apartment, and what not. So as I was basically about to get kicked out for not making rent I put an add up at my college looking for a replacement roommate. I'll tell you, the freaks who applied. There was this one girl, I think her name was Yuffie, who showed up with this giant throwing star and called herself a ninja. There was this other one, some dude named Sephiroth, who met up with me with this huge sword on his back. I swear they all had weapons, every single applicant.

Just when I had been about to give up hope of ever finding a roomy he called. When he called me on the phone to see if I had found anyone I knew he was the one. I still don't know what kind of one he was to me, but he was it. He had the most beautiful voice I had ever heard, it was like sunshine…what? Sunshine has a noise, I swear it does. Getting off subject again. So I decided to meet up with this guy before I declared that he could move in, you know, to make sure he wouldn't kill me in my sleep or something. We met at a coffee shop and he was almost half an hour late. When I was just about to leave and resign myself to being homeless he walked in. At first I didn't know it was him, but I was ready to ask the blond, blue eyed, sex on legs, angel who came through the door to move in anyway. If you haven't already guessed he is GORGEOUS!!! When he walked over to me I had to stop myself from jumping him.

"Hey," he said and my resolve not to simply jump him wavered slightly, "Are you Axel?"

"Yeah," my voice sounded steady, I have no idea how to this day because my hormones had flared up along with…other things.

"I'm Roxas, I called about the apartment."

"Oh," smart response huh? "Oh, yeah, um, great."

"If it's already taken I can keep looking," his eyes, those perfect blue eyes, looked at me with the slightest hint of confusion.

"NO!" I practically yelled, immediately kicking myself for doing so, "I mean, no it's not taken yet. You just startled me, that's all."

"Okay," he looked slightly taken aback by my response, not that I could blame him.

"Um, why don't you sit down and we can get to know each other, see if we're a good match," I motioned to the chair across the table from me.

"Sure."

Alright, so to cut a very long and probably boring conversation short here's what happened from there on, the abridged version if you will. I learned that he loved ice cream, was a photography major, was allergic to mint, hated the color pink, and (most importantly) is gay. I told him about myself…I think. Don't look at me like that, I was a little too busy staring into those perfect eyes and celebrating the fact that I had a shot at nailing him into the kitchen counter to actually remember what I said. He moved in the next day and I then learned something very interesting, he had a boyfriend. Some asshole named Reno. The foul mouthed jerk helped my blond angel move in. I had to fight the urge not to simply strangle the guy the instant I saw him following Roxas into my apartment. Yeah, I know, I'm possessive, but damn it, Roxas is MINE! Or at least he will be as soon as I get rid of Reno.

Oh! Did I mention that Reno is a redhead like myself? Turns out Roxas has a thing for redheads. The guy even has facial tattoos like me, but mine are awesome and his are just ridiculous looking. I have these great triangles under my eyes while he just has these weird slash things. The bastard thinks they look good too, idiot. What was I talking about again? Right, Roxas was moving in. So after my blond had finished unpacking with that bastard following him around everywhere we all went out for dinner. Now like I said before, I'm a broke college student, so I can't exactly afford a nice meal. When I suggested just getting some fast food Reno had to go and say he'd take us all out somewhere nice. Apparently he's the bodyguard to some executive and makes a shitload of money. That also means that he's probably a good fighter, so I couldn't exactly take him. I'm not a bad fighter myself, but I'm not an idiot, I can't be if I want to get my engineering degree.

Reno took us to a fancy restaurant, and I do mean fancy. It was the kind of place that my parents used to take me on my birthday when I was younger, but would never go otherwise. The jerk wad then ordered for my angel and told me to get whatever I wanted. Now usually when someone else is paying for my meal I search the menu for the cheapest thing out of curtsey, but when Reno ordered Roxas a thirty dollar steak I nearly lost my mind. How could that ass just throw money away like that? I mean it's just food, not like it sticks around to be appreciated later on. And the fact that he was spending that on Roxas, well that just irked me. So I got the same damn thing, just to make him pay. Dinner was interesting, to say the least. It consisted mostly of me glaring at Reno, Reno smirking at me while _touching_ Roxas, and Roxas being completely oblivious to either of us and talking about school.

When we finally headed back to my apartment, I mean Roxas and my apartment, Reno pulled me aside. "Don't touch him," he hissed.

"I have no idea what you mean," I said defensively.

"You do to know what I mean," something in those blue eyes said it all, I was probably going to die, "If you ever so much as lay a finger on him I will personally rip out your intestines through your mouth."

"Well isn't that a lovely image," I'm never one to back down from a challenge, and I'll be damned if that wasn't a challenge, "But I still have no idea what you mean."

"Don't fuck with me."

"I'd rather fuck with him," signed my death warrant right there, pretty sure of it.

"Really?" Reno turned back to Roxas, "Hey Roxy?"

"Hm?" Roxas looked over at us, completely unaware of any threats that had passed between him and I.

Reno just walked over to him and brought their lips together. His eyes stayed fixed on me, his challenge obvious, while Roxas' slid shut. Now a normal person would have gotten the message when Reno did that, I'm not normal. This was a direct challenge to me and I was going to take it. That's when I vowed that no matter what, Roxas was going to be mine.

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_Me: And there we have the firs__t chapter of To Be. _

_Cautai: Tell them about the whole update thing!_

_Me: Right. So, like I said in the beginning note this is the fifth chapter story I currently have, and that's more than I can handle at the moment. I had to get the first chapter down was all, if I didn't I probably would have lost it for all eternity and that would have made me sad. Basically this is going to be the replacement for Therapy once it's done. I figured I needed a dark story, a random story, a smut story, and a fluff story, so this will be my fluff story when I actually have time to write it. You can feel free to alert this, but don't expect anything to be updated for a few weeks, or at least until a week after the last chapter of Therapy.__ Because of the rather heavy writing load I've taken on I'm not going to do review replies in the beginning of each chapter like with my other stories. I'm going to respond to all reviews, but you'll just receive a review reply rather than getting it in the note._


	2. Desired

_Me: The whole not updating for a while thing has gone out the window. My grandma just died, so I'm kind of desperate for a distraction at the moment. I don't care that I said I was going to finish up Therapy before I worked on this one, it's what I'm feeling at the moment and I need to feel anything other than mind numbing depression. When I tried to work on all my other stuff it just became painful somehow and I couldn't work on it, but I need to work on something, anything, to get my mind off my grandma right now. As it is currently 1:30 in the morning I can't work on homework and trust myself to do A quality work, so I write fanfiction. I have an 8 am class tomorrow, but I doubt I'm going to sleep, so you get a really long chapter as a result._

_Disclaimer:__ Roxas belongs to Axel and Reno, who belong to Square Enix, which I wish I owned, but don't._

_Warning:__ Axel has a filthy mouth and mind. And if you like Dungeons and Dragons you're not going to like me after part of this chapter. Slight Namine and Vexen bashing. Um…someone's sex life is exposed, but not like you would think from my other stories. _

_Pairings:__ Reno x Roxas, Zexion x Demyx, mention of past Xigbar x Demyx, and does Axel fantasizing about Roxas count?_

_Dedication:__ This is totally and utterly dedicated to Nijuuni from DA. It was her who got me into the Axel, Reno, and Roxas grouping and it was her picture 'Burning in Scarlet Gold' that inspired this. I actually have that picture up as my avatar right now, slight art theft on my part. Please don't kill me. –Runs away-_

_5,799 words, 12 pages on Microsoft office word._

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Chapter 2. Desired.

The next morning I was feeling pretty damn good, okay that was a lie. I felt like total shit, but I was a determined piece of shit that's for sure. Did I just call myself a piece of shit? I did, didn't I? Okay, note to self, drink coffee before writing or you insult yourself…….And I'm back, with coffee! It's really good coffee too, mocha. That has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Right, so the next morning sucked more than I can possibly describe to you. That night I had a dream that started out pretty good. It involved me making out with a certain blond while Reno got run over by a dump truck. But then the dream had to go and switch up on me. Suddenly I was tied up, and not the good type of tied up either. You know, the kind where someone does naughty things to you. Getting off track again. So I was tied up and there was Reno just leering at me. Then Roxas came up and they started screwing right in front of me! Needless to say, after a dream like that I was not in a good mood.

My mood did lift considerably when I made it out of my room and into the kitchen. There was a blond angel waiting for me cooking breakfast. Roxas looked so damn fuckable it was amazing. He had on these baggy pajama bottoms that were hanging down on his perfect ass. Not so far as to actually 

expose anything, but far enough that its beautiful curve was showing. As if that wasn't enough reason to simply jump him, he didn't have a shirt on. I have never seen someone so small have that toned of a back without looking kind of weird, but he completely pulled it off. I wished I could have a nice long look at his chest, but he was wearing this cute little apron while he fried up some eggs and bacon. It was absolutely adorable, all pink and frilly, not to mention completely gay and uke like. Give me a moment here, I need to picture it again…oh god that's a good image.

He turned to face me and I nearly leapt over the counter to jump him. His messy blond spikes were in even more of a disarray than the day before, making him look like he had just been thoroughly fucked and loved every minute of it. Those brilliant sapphire eyes weren't even blurred with drowsiness from sleep, and it was way too fucking early for me so I have no idea how he was awake.

"Morning," he said cheerfully, "I made breakfast, figured you might want something and it's kind of my way of saying thanks."

"Thanks," I said dumbly.

"Yeah, for letting me move in," he smiled and I was taken aback by how brilliant it was, "If you didn't I might have ended up having to move in with Reno."

Great, we were back to jackass of the year. "Really," I said carefully, "And you don't want to move in with him?"

"Not yet," Roxas shrugged slightly, "I mean, we haven't been going out that long, only like four months."

"You two seemed much closer than that," I murmured. This was the best morning ever! I could easily break up a new relationship, they hadn't had the chance to form any real bonds yet.

"Yeah well Reno is really touchy feely," Roxas turned away and started dishing up food, "You'd think I slept with him from the way he was always groping me."

"So you haven't yet?" Definitely a good thing, Roxas wouldn't have any real connection yet.

"Nope, I'm a virgin."

"…What?"

"Virgin," Roxas turned back with a smile and held up a plate for me to take, "As in never had sex before. I'm a bit old fashioned and actually believe in having some kind of commitment before having sex."

How can I describe how I felt at that moment? Oh yes, I know the word. FUCK!! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! Or more accurately lack of said fuck. Apparently I couldn't just seduce Roxas into sleeping with me and then guilt him into leaving that prick. So I needed a new plan and I'm not the best 

thinker in the morning, well I'm not the best thinker without caffeine to tell the truth. I'm addicted to the stuff, it is my God. Um, what was I talking about again? Oh right, need a new plan.

While trying to come up with a new plan I noticed how wonderfully pale Roxas' skin was. It was weird, even in the crappy electrical lighting of the kitchen it seemed to glow with some kind of internal light. I just wanted to reach out and touch it, feel it under my fingers, brush my lips against that creamy flesh, nip at…I really needed to stop or I was going to be in serious trouble…to late, Mr. Happy was up. Clearing my throat I tried to sit on one of the counter stools and inconspicuously cross my legs. I don't think I was too successful in my attempts to hide Mr. Happy from my blond angel though, because he got this amused glean in his eyes as he turned away from me. It took all my self control not to groan.

To say the least, things got very awkward after that. I mean, how exactly do you explain to someone that you have a hard on because you were thinking about them. I probably would have scared the shit out of Roxas and had him running for the hills and never would have seen him again. I still can't believe that he's a virgin, I mean; he's too hot to be a virgin. Wait, that sounds like I meant he should have been raped or something. Crap. Okay, what I meant was…I don't even know what I meant. He's too damn pretty! I can't think straight. Not that I ever could, if you catch my drift. I mean I'm about as gay as they come. Again, getting off topic. We ate in complete silence and luckily by the time I had finished Mr. Happy had gone home. I watched as Roxas cleaned his plate in the sink and I'll admit I was kind of mesmerized by the sight. There is something about a guy doing housework that just turns me on like you wouldn't believe. Mr. Happy was about to make a repeat appearance when Roxas turned to me.

"Um, Axel?" he said softly.

"Yeah," I said dumbly.

"Didn't you say you had morning classes today?"

"What?"

"It's like 7:30 right now," he pointed at the clock.

"OH SHIT!!"

I have never moved as fast as I did at that exact moment before in my life. I couldn't miss class; I was struggling enough as it was. I hate psychology, but everyone has to take it. I'm a freaking engineering major, I don't need to know how the human mind works; I need to know how machines work. Can you tell I'm a bit pissed about having to take it? It's totally screwing with my GPA right now. Not the point. The point is that instead of spending time staring at Roxas' perfect ass I had to sprint to the bus and then run across campus so that I could make it to my lecture on time. But one good thing did come from that little run. I had an epiphany on my way to class that actually made it worthwhile. I realized that I could use psychology to get my Roxy and crush that bastard Reno into the ground. For the first time that semester I actually cared what my professor was saying in lecture.

By the time lunch rolled around I was in a considerably better mood, I was even prepared to deal with Demyx. I hadn't really talked to him much since he moved out, I was kind of pissed to say the least. I still don't think what I did was enough for him to simply move out on me, I mean we had been friends for years and my behavior hadn't changed all that much since I got into college. Hell, if anything my partying had actually toned down a ton. High school was fun. But I wasn't pissed anymore. If it hadn't been for the fact that he left me hanging like that I never would have gotten that call from Roxas and the blond haired, blue eyed angel never would have moved in. I was going to have more fun with Roxy than I ever did in high school, I just had to iron out a few kinks in my plan. Kinks like Reno and the whole virgin thing. Seriously, how could he be a virgin? He's in college, gorgeous, and gay, all that should equal non-virgin, well it does with me at least. Not the point, the point is that I need to get Demyx a present for bringing Roxas into my life.

I was just walking into the cafeteria to meet up with Demyx when I heard it, the cry of the overactive music major. "Axellllllllllll!!" a voice screamed.

I only had a few seconds to ready myself for the attack. Quickly I threw my stuff on the floor and braced myself. Despite my attempts to create a sturdier base I was knocked off my feet when Demyx hit me and the two of us went sprawling on the floor. "Hey Dem," I said.

"Oh my god! Axel it has been forever!" Demyx somehow managed to bounce even from our position on the floor, "How have you been?! Did you get a new roommate?! What's he like? Or is it a she?"

"Demyx," I said while I disentangled myself and managed to stand up, "You really need to calm down. And the answers to your questions in order are, sucky, yes, he's gorgeous, and he is a boy."

"What were my questions again?" Demyx stared at me from the ground.

"You're hopeless, you know that right?" I sighed as I helped him to his feet.

"Don't be mean to my honey bunny," a voice snapped.

"For the last time Xigbar," Demyx sighed and shook his head, "I am dating Zexion, not you. We're over with, as in never going to happen again."

I turned to see the man I used to call Pirate Magee, just to piss him off of course, standing right behind me. "Oh come on Demy," the silver streaked man pouted, "You know we're meant for each other."

"No," a soft voice said to the side of us, "You're not."

The entire group turned to find the lilac haired, rather emo, and slightly effeminate Zexion standing calmly with several large books piled in his arms. "Zexy!!" Demyx squealed and ran as if he was going to tackle the small man.

"Demyx," Zexion breathed and the sandy haired musician stopped dead, "Not when I'm holding books."

"Okay," Demyx just chirped and slung his arm around the smaller male's shoulders.

"Demyyy," Xigbar whined, "Come over here."

"No way," Demyx sniffed, "I like Zexy more."

Okay, so you're probably like what the hell is going on right about now. So Demyx is my best friend from way back when we were in kindergarten. He and I met when I saw this group of boys picking on him and I lit the boys on fire. I wasn't allowed to have anything flammable after that, but Demyx was so grateful to me for getting rid of his tormentors that he started smuggling lighters into school for me. We weren't exactly the model students, our family lives were severely fucked up to say the least. In our senior year of high school Demyx met Xigbar. Xigbar is like thirty years older than either of us, so when they started dating it was really creepy. But I couldn't do anything about it because he treated Demyx pretty good and Demyx was 18, so it was legal. I never liked Xigbar though, the bastard was too clingy and possessive for my tastes. So when we started college and Demyx became friends with Zexion I might have encouraged their relationship and tried to destroy Dem and Xigbar's. I know, I'm an asshole for doing that, but you weren't there. Xigbar got all controlling and shit when Dem started to try to be independent and Zexion just encouraged the mullet haired idiot. I like Zexion if you couldn't tell. He's a great guy, shy and intellectual, but a great guy none the less. So when I finally got Dem and Xigbar to break up I kind of pushed for Dem to start dating Zexy. And wouldn't you know it, the two of them are perfect together. Demyx is all hyper and shit while Zexy is calm and collected. Demyx is scattered brained while Zexy is focused. They just fit together like that. But Xigbar didn't think so, Xigbar got all jealous and started practically stalking Demyx. You would think the guy would get that they are over with, that Demyx is much happier with Zexion, but he doesn't. So that's that little story.

Alright, so Xigbar wasn't exactly taking rejection too well. In fact he was pouting at Demyx and glaring at Zexion at the exact same time. I have no idea how the man does it, how can you look so pathetic and pissed off at the same time? I have to admit, I kind of tuned out when Xigbar started sniping at Zexion, their fights were never interesting anyway. Zexion always just stood there and smirked at Xigbar while Xigbar got all flustered and yelled. I didn't even notice when the asshole left. Instead I let my gaze wander to the various food vendors in the cafeteria. Panda Express, no I had Chinese yesterday. Bagel place, nope not in the mood. Health food thing, hell no. Wait, I know that blond at the health food counter. How I had never noticed that Roxas worked at the healthy choice in the cafeteria was beyond me, but there he was. Damn he was sexy making a salad. How can someone look so hot when handling lettuce? I mean a carrot I get, or cucumbers, or corn, hell, any long shaft like vegetable. But lettuce? I realized in an instant just how effected I was by the blond. I never got so wrapped up in a possible romantic interest.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when someone poked me in the shoulder. "Earth to Axel," Demyx said in a sing song voice, "Where are you buddy?"

"Stop poking me Dem," I snapped, my eyes wandering back to the beautiful blond.

"Ooh!" Demyx squealed, "Look Zexy, Ax has a crush!"

"Shut up," I muttered in Zexion's direction. The lilac haired man hadn't said anything of course, but that look said volumes. "He's my new roommate," I added.

"You're going to really ruin the kitchen counters," Zexion sighed.

"He's dating some other guy," I knew there was poison in my voice, that Demyx and Zexion heard it, but I didn't care, I was going to be bitter about it until Roxas was mine.

"Someone's being awfully sour," Demyx poked me again, "Is little Axel junior not having any fun?"

"Don't call Axel junior little," I grumbled. Yes, I am that vain, but damn it, Mr. Happy is big! Stop looking at me like that, Mr. Happy is a good name and he is a freaking giant!

"So are you going to leave him alone?" Zexion asked softly.

"Hell no," I smirked, "I'm going to get my man!" Demyx and Zexion just kind of stared at me after that. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing," they said in unison.

I hate it when they sync up like that, it never bodes well for me. The last time they did that Demyx moved out. The time before they forced me to call my mom and have an 'I'm not dead' chat. That resulted in me having to go home for Christmas that year and deal with psycho family, I don't want to go into detail, but let's just say I lost my eyebrows. Before that it was them forcing me to confront Larxene and tell her that I wasn't interested and she needed to stop stalking me. She fucking electrocuted me! With a flashlight! How the hell do you do that? As you can see, things go bad when they mind meld. "I'm not doing it!" I yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the pair.

"Doing what?" Demyx blinked at me. I knew that blink, I was dead meat.

"Whatever you two have telepathically decided I have to do," I eyed them suspiciously as I spoke.

"We haven't decided on anything," Zexion said.

"But you know Axel," Demyx started.

"No!" I interrupted.

"You don't even know what I was going to say," Demyx started pouting.

"No pouting!" I snapped, "I refuse and that's that!"

"But Axel," Demyx whined, my resolve started to weaken, "It's a really good idea, it will make life so much easier for you."

"Easier?" I asked.

"Yeah," Demyx smiled and I knew he had won, "You just have to talk to him."

Alright, he hadn't won just yet. "Talk to him?" I said a bit incredulously, "Are you an idiot or did you just hit your head again? I can't talk to him, I just met him. How do you think he would react if I just walked up to him and said, 'Hey Roxas, I'm madly in love with you even though I just met you'? He'd be running for the hills! He'd think I was psycho stalker creep that just wanted to get in his pants. He doesn't even sleep with his boyfriend, he's not going to trust me!"

"Wait," Zexion said, frowning slightly, "You don't just want to sleep with him, do you?"

That made me stop. I hadn't actually thought about it, but I didn't just want some ass. That was kind of strange, I was always after ass before. I never had relationships that lasted more than a month at most. Yet somehow, I could picture myself with Roxas for a long time. Not even all the images of the two of us together involved sex, actually most of them didn't. "No," I said slowly, "I don't."

Demyx and Zexion just stared at me for a minute. Actually it was 67 seconds, I know, I was counting. The pair glanced at each other for a second then Demyx said, "Hold on." The dirty blond grabbed Zexion's arm and they spun around, whispering fiercely to one another. I tried to listen in on their conversation, but it was useless. Zexion was quiet enough normally that it was hard to hear him and despite being loud in most situations, Demyx could be just as quiet as the lilac haired emo when he wanted. Finally they turned back to me and I knew something profound had passed between them. Whenever Demyx got a serious look on his face you knew what he was about to say was important, he so rarely looked that way that it couldn't be ignored.

"What is it?" I asked cautiously.

"You shouldn't talk to him," Zexion said in his soft voice, "That would only drive him away, just like you said. But you can't just let him go either. Axel, we've known you for a long time, you never have a real romantic interest, and that has worried us for a while. If you actually feel like you could want to be with this person then you shouldn't let that chance go."

"Just woo him," Demyx smiled softly, "You know you can. Don't do all that cheesy stuff you do in bars to pick up one night stands, just be yourself. You can actually be really sweet when you want to, if you do that you should win him over no problem."

"But what if he doesn't want me?" I looked back over at the angel at the salad bar, "What if I'm not good enough for him?"

"Axel," Demyx's tone made me look at him again, "I have never heard you second guess yourself on anything, don't start now."

My eyes found their way back to Roxas and I watched him for a minute, a smile creeping its way onto my face. Demyx was right, I never second guessed myself. I'm awesome, Roxas would be more than happy to be with me once he got to know me. Suddenly I scowled. "What about his boyfriend?" I said slowly, "I doubt that possessive ass will be willing to part from Roxas long enough for me to woo him properly."

When I heard a snort I looked back at my friends and was startled to find that it was Zexion who was laughing at me. "Are you serious?" he giggled, "You never let that get in the way of your plans before. Hell, you didn't let that get in the way of you trying to get me and Dem to hook up."

"True," I said slowly, "But you haven't met this guy. He's a total ass, he actually had the nerve to tell me off the other day. Told me to stay the hell away from Rox and not to fuck with him. I'm pretty sure he'd kill me if he really knew what I felt for Roxas."

"Sounds like you," Demyx said quietly.

That made me stop. He was right, damn. "Crap," I ran my hand through my hair in frustration, "You're right. He even kind of looks like me. He's got red hair and face tattoos too. Why do you have to be so damn insightful Dem?"

"It's a gift," the dirty blond smiled, back to his normal goofy self, "So why don't we go over there and get some food and you can talk to him."

"I don't like salads," I said slowly.

"That's not the point," Zexion sighed, "You go over and look like you do and talk to him for a while."

"I don't want to bother him during work."

"Wimp," Demyx said.

"I am not!" I snapped, "I just don't want to be a bother…or a stalker…"

"You're getting food and his roommate, it's not that weird if you talk to him," Zexion said.

"I guess," I said slowly.

"Come on," Demyx whined, "Go talk to him."

"Demyx," Zexion breathed, effectively silencing the mullet haired musician, "Axel, if it's that big a deal you don't have to talk to him. You should be confident when you see him."

"Thanks," I muttered. I hate it when Zexion has to step in and get Dem to leave me alone, it makes me feel so small. That being said, I do appreciate it. I can't say no to the blond for the most part, maybe I have a blond weakness. Like some genetic trait or something. That would just figure. Hey look 

at me, I'm some kind of mutant and my only weakness is blond hair! Like Superman and kryptonite…I'm an idiot.

So the rest of lunch was awkward, I seemed to be making a habit of awkward meals lately. I spent the majority of it staring at Roxas and Demyx and Zexion spent it snickering at me and making snide little remarks about me being whipped. My argument that you have to be getting some in order to be whipped didn't win any points though. I have to admit, I probably was, and I hadn't even touched the guy any more than a brush of the hand. Here's something you need to realize, if you haven't already. I'm a horny pervert. Just thinking about the fact that my hand had brushed against Roxas' was enough to get me thinking about what my hand could brush against…and squeeze…and pump…and dear god that was awkward. Mr. Happy made an appearance, much to the amusement of Demyx and Zexion. I really had to fight the urge to pummel the two of them when they started making comments on my "little" friend.

After lunch was over, which honestly couldn't happen fast enough because of my so called friends, the day took a nose dive. I was heading out of the cafeteria when I saw him, not that he was hard to miss. _Reno _was walking across the room, straight towards Roxas. What happened next was like a train wreck, horrific to watch, but you can't look away. I saw the bastard walk up to my angel and grab Roxas by the front of the shirt, pulling him so he was leaning over the counter and crushing their lips together. Everyone started wolf calling at the pair who seemed completely unaware of what was going on around them. I felt like my blood was boiling as I watched them. I had to fight the sudden urge to light that prick on fire for what he was doing to _my_ angel. Nothing could have made me happier than when Roxas' boss came over and broke it up, but my heart sank even further when I saw that Roxas looked disappointed.

After witnessing that I couldn't wait to get to my chemistry lab. My TA loves me, like borderline restraining order love, but love none the less. The point there is that she lets me get away with murder in the lab. I'm serious; I nearly killed three people once. She just explained it away to the cops as an equipment malfunction and had the university replace the 20 thousand dollar piece of machinery. If Namine weren't a girl I would definitely give her a pity fuck, she obviously wants it. What was I trying to say again? Oh right, looking forward to chemistry. So I walked through the door with the full intention of asking Namine for something explosive to take my frustration out with when I noticed something odd. No matter where I looked I couldn't find the adorable, yet somehow creepy, blond stalker TA.

Walking over to one of the other TAs, I asked cautiously, "Hey, um, where's Namine?"

"You didn't here?" the short brunet blinked up at me, "She got arrested."

"What?!" I was more than a little startled, though not surprised, to hear that.

"Yeah, I heard about that," another student said, "She was stalking Professor Vexen. Apparently she was hiding in the bushes outside his house when the cops found her."

"I heard she was in his closet," someone else said.

"Nah, couldn't have been," the first one said, "Vexen's already in there, I think he would have noticed the company."

"I thought Vexen was married," my lab partner, Lexaeus, said. I was kind of surprised that he spoke up, I had honestly only heard him say like three things in the five weeks of the semester.

"You don't have to be single to be gay," the first one said, "He's just in denial."

"He is not gay," I finally spoke up.

"And how would you know?"

"I'm gay," I cocked my hip to the side as if to prove it, don't ask me why, I don't know, "I have excellent gaydar, and he ain't among the rainbow ranks."

"No one cares if the professor is gay or not," the TA finally spoke again, "It has nothing to do with us and if we keep talking about it I'm fairly certain we will be in pain pretty quickly."

"That would be a correct assumption," an icy voice said from behind the TA.

I could literally feel the tension in the air as soon as everyone looked at the chilly professor. If there is one thing you need to know about Professor Vexen it's that he is dangerous. He has this unusual attraction to things that causes quick freezing and doesn't care if he uses it on students. I once saw him use liquid nitrogen on someone for saying his hair was girly. The poor sap wasn't injured, but he lost a really nice pair of shoes in the process. It goes without saying that you don't mess with Vexen, and calling him gay is definitely messing with him. For a moment I actually thought he was going to hurt me, but then I remembered that I had defended his straight man status, so I was in the clear. The other student, not so much. Again it was like a train wreck, but this time it was a funny train wreck that I couldn't look away from. Vexen advanced on the poor incompetent fool slowly, pulling what looked like a whipped cream canister out of his pocket as he approached. I could just see the look of panic on the other student's face. The kid just bolted, running as fast as he could in order to avoid getting something, possibly himself, frozen. The idiot apparently wasn't that graceful as he ran face first into the door, falling in a heap on the floor, totally unconscious. Vexen just stared at the guy for a bit before shrugging and walking over to his unconscious body. The long haired blond leaned down and sprayed the contents of the canister on the student's hair, freezing it instantly. Then he just stood and left, like nothing had happened at all. (_Quick note, I failed chemistry, I have no idea if you can keep liquid nitrogen in a canister. I just had to fit it on his person and that's what I thought of._)

You would think that chemistry would have been interesting after that, but you'd be wrong. It was the single most boring lab I have ever experienced. We were looking at pH levels, but we didn't get any acids or bases that could do any real damage. It sucked! The only fun part of chemistry is that you could potentially hurt or kill yourself…or others…yeah. So no danger no fun, that's my new motto! I was sorely tempted to light the acids on fire to see what would happen, but I remembered that Vexen was probably lurking around somewhere nearby and thought better of it. I'm vain, I'll admit it, and I didn't want my hair to get frozen off like that idiot who called the psycho gay.

Without Namine there to basically cater to my every whim, I couldn't wait for lab to be over with. When it was finally done I had to go to my stupid statistics study group. I had somehow managed to get in with all the math majors and thanks to them was getting a rather nice A in my stats class. That being said, they are not that fun, or attractive, of a group. I know, I know, I'm an ass for caring what my study group looks like, but you'd feel the same way if you were me. I have to spend an hour and a half with the warlock council of Dungeons and Dragons, you don't, so shut up. I'm serious about the warlock council thing too, at least I think that's what they called themselves. I wasn't really paying attention when they were explaining the game to me, so sue me. I have more important things in my life than some stupid game, like talking to people and not being a pathetic virgin who lives in my mother's basement. Though I don't think I'll use virgin as an insult anymore; that would insinuate that there is something wrong with my little virgin roommate, which there isn't.

After nerd fest was over I was finally home free and headed back to my apartment. You would think that things would be nice from then on, that I could just go home and relax. Well would you be wrong. I was waiting for the bus for nearly an hour before it showed up. Apparently there had been some sort of huge traffic accident downtown and driving was severely fucked up because of that. As if that wasn't enough, the bus broke down on the fucking freeway, so everyone had to get out and wait for a backup bus to show up. We stood on the side of the highway for nearly twenty minutes and I was forced to rethink my new motto of no danger no fun. Standing there while cars whip past you at speeds that will kill you should they for some reason come into contact with you really fucks with your nerves. By the time I got back to my building I just wanted to lie down and sleep for hours, but luck was against me there, or maybe it was with me. After all it was both Roxas' and my apartment.

I walked through the door and saw Roxas' shoes lying on the floor in the entrance. My heart started to beat faster and I felt flushed, and I hadn't even seen him yet. When I walked further into the apartment and didn't see the blond my interest started to peak. That's when I heard it, the shower was going. I was frozen in place as that sound filled my senses, images of Roxas naked, wet, and flushed flitting through my mind. I was still standing there like an idiot when the shower turned off. That was enough to snap me out of my trance and I sat on the couch, quickly pulling one of my textbooks out of my backpack and covering my lap with it. I had only just managed to hide Mr. Happy when Roxas walked out of the bathroom in only a towel. Any hopes of having my rather big problem go away any time soon vanished as soon as I saw the blond. His skin shown like a brilliant pearl, glowing with some inner light like some kind of angel. His hair was somehow still in spikes despite being soaking wet. And his chest, oh my god, his chest. It was perfectly toned, beads of water still clinging to it. My eyes followed one of them as it slipped down his abs, watching as it was soaked up by the towel around his slim waist.

"Hey Axel," he said and my eyes snapped back up to his face. He was smiling, good, he hadn't noticed me staring.

"Hey," I said shakily, "How's it going?"

"Not too bad, you?" he said as he made his way down the hall and paused outside his room.

"Great," I said, praying my voice didn't give me away.

"That's nice," he glanced at my lap, "Well I'll leave you alone so you can study."

With that he vanished into his room, leaving me with a big problem and no way to take care of it.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Me: So there is, my 'distract my brain' chapter. It's odd, my muses aren't yelling at me for the first time in ages. Maybe they realize that I am willing to kill them off if they so much as make a peep that isn't story related. This is what the story is going to look like for chapter length and structure from here on in, so if you don't like to read lots of text in one sitting get out now. Also if you're one of my fans who reads me for the lemons, this is not the story for you. As of right now there are absolutely no lemons planned for this story. There will be mention of sex, maybe a lime, but no lemons in the least. I really want to work on character development and actual plot with this one. You should probably know the thing I have with the chapter titles. What you do is take the chapter title and put To Be in front of it. So this chapter is To Be Desired. Get it? Great, now review if you want more. Or even if you don't, go ahead and yell at me for my sucky writing skills, just review._


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